Is My Child Being Bullied at School?
The start of a new school year can bring lots of mixed emotions.
For some children, there is excitement about seeing friends, meeting a new teacher or getting back into a familiar routine. For others, particularly children with additional needs, autism or ADHD, the return to school can feel much more complicated.
There may be new classrooms to navigate, unfamiliar routines, noisy corridors, busy lunch halls and the challenge of finding your place socially.
And sometimes, a child who is struggling at school won't be able to tell you exactly why.
They might simply say, "I don't want to go."
They might become unusually quiet after school, start having more meltdowns at home, complain of feeling unwell on school mornings, or suddenly stop talking about their friends.
For parents and teachers, it can be difficult to know what is behind these changes. Is it anxiety? Sensory overload? Difficulties with friendships? Or could something more serious, such as bullying, be happening?
Sensory Worry Stones
How can you tell if a child is being bullied?
Sometimes a child will tell you quite clearly that another child is bullying them. But not every child will find it easy to explain what has happened.
This can be particularly true for children who have communication difficulties or who find social situations difficult to understand. A child may know that something doesn't feel right without having the words to describe why.
This is why changes in behaviour can sometimes be important.
Perhaps your child has suddenly started asking to stay home from school. Maybe they are becoming tearful or angry after school when they previously seemed happy. They may be reluctant to talk about lunchtime or the playground, or seem particularly worried about seeing certain children.
None of these things automatically mean that bullying is taking place. Children can become anxious about school for many different reasons. But a noticeable change in behaviour is worth paying attention to, particularly if it continues.
Sometimes the clues are small.
A child may lose interest in something they usually enjoy. They may become more withdrawn, have difficulty sleeping, complain of headaches or stomach aches, or seem exhausted after school. For a child who already finds school demanding, bullying can add another layer of worry that they may struggle to communicate.
The most important thing is not to immediately assume you know what is wrong, but to gently make space for your child to tell you.
What if my child doesn't have the words to explain?
This is something that parents of children with additional needs may be particularly familiar with.
Asking, "Did anyone bully you today?" may not lead to an answer, even if something has happened.
A child might find it easier to talk about a particular part of their day instead.
You could ask what happened at lunchtime, who they sat beside, what happened in the playground, or whether there was a time during the day when they felt worried.
For some children, talking face-to-face can also feel like too much pressure. They may communicate more comfortably while drawing, playing, walking or doing another familiar activity.
Visual communication can be helpful too.
At Learning SPACE, we have a range of communication resources designed to give children different ways to express themselves. Communication fans can be particularly useful for children who struggle to find the right words, especially when they are anxious or overwhelmed.
Our Emotions Fan can help children communicate how they are feeling, while the I Need Fan provides visual prompts around needs and requests.
For a child with very individual communication needs, a Blank Communication Fan can also be adapted to include the words, symbols or prompts that are most meaningful to them.
These resources aren't intended to replace a conversation. Sometimes they simply give a child another way to begin one.
And that can make all the difference.
Why bullying can be particularly difficult for autistic children
Social situations can already be complicated for an autistic child.
Understanding facial expressions, tone of voice, jokes, sarcasm, friendship groups and the unwritten rules of social interaction can take considerable effort. A child may also interpret language very literally or find it difficult to explain a complicated social situation after it has happened.
This doesn't mean that autistic children don't understand when something is wrong. Quite the opposite. They may know very clearly that they feel uncomfortable, frightened or excluded, but struggle to explain the sequence of events that led them there.
There is also a danger of assuming that a child's response is simply part of their autism.
If a child begins refusing to use the playground, becomes distressed before lunch or starts having frequent meltdowns after school, it is important to look at what might be happening around them rather than assuming the behaviour is simply a feature of their additional needs.
Could the environment be overwhelming?
Could there be a problem with friendships?
Could something have happened that the child hasn't yet been able to communicate?
Could bullying be part of the picture?
A curious, rather than judgemental, approach can help adults get closer to the answer.
What should you do if your child tells you they are being bullied?
First of all, listen.
It can be tempting to immediately start asking questions, contacting the school and trying to solve everything. Those things may need to happen, but your child's first experience of telling you something difficult should be one of feeling heard and believed.
You might simply say:
"I'm really glad you told me."
"That shouldn't be happening."
"It's not your fault."
"We'll work out what to do together."
Try not to blame yourself, either. Children don't always tell us what is happening straight away, and sometimes they don't fully understand a situation themselves.
Once you've listened, make a note of what your child has told you. If the bullying has happened online, keep screenshots and don't delete messages. Current government guidance recommends keeping a record of online bullying incidents and reporting concerns to the school in the first instance.
You don't need to have every answer before contacting the school.
Working with your child's school
If you are concerned that your child is being bullied, speak to the school.
Depending on the circumstances, this might be the class teacher, form tutor, head of year, SENCO or another member of staff who knows your child well.
Going into the conversation with clear examples can be helpful. Explain what your child has told you, what you've noticed at home and whether there have been any recent changes in attendance, behaviour or emotional wellbeing.
It can also be helpful to ask how the school will support your child while the situation is being looked into.
Schools in England are required to have a behaviour policy that includes measures to prevent bullying, and government guidance makes clear that schools should take bullying seriously. When responding to incidents, schools should also take account of the special educational needs or disabilities of pupils involved.
The aim isn't simply to find someone to blame. It is to understand what has happened, make sure children are safe and put appropriate support in place.
For a child with additional needs, that support may need to look slightly different.
What can teachers do when they suspect bullying?
Teachers are often in a unique position because they may notice things that aren't visible at home.
A child may appear settled during a lesson but become distressed at lunchtime. They might suddenly stop joining playground games or become reluctant to move between classrooms.
For children with additional needs, it can be particularly useful to look at when and where the change happens.
Does the child become anxious when moving through a busy corridor? Do they become distressed before lunch? Are they avoiding a particular area? Is there a noticeable change after spending time with a particular group of children?
These observations can help build a much clearer picture.
It is also important to consider sensory needs alongside social experiences. A noisy dining hall, crowded playground or busy transition can be difficult for some children even when bullying isn't involved. Equally, sensory overload can make it much harder for a child to cope with a difficult social situation.
The two things can exist alongside each other.
A child who is already overwhelmed may be less able to communicate that somebody has treated them badly.
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Giving children a way to say "I need help"
One of the simplest things a school can do is make sure every child knows who they can go to when something doesn't feel right.
For some children, saying "I need help" is easy.
For others, it isn't.
Visual communication tools can give children another option. A communication fan, symbol, card or agreed visual signal can allow a child to communicate that they are worried, need help, need a break or don't feel safe without having to find the words in a stressful moment.
Our communication collection includes fans, talking buttons and other resources that can be used at home or in educational settings.
We also have resources specifically designed around sensory experiences. For example, our It's Too Sensory Description Fan helps children communicate when something feels too loud, too hot or otherwise overwhelming.
For a child who finds it difficult to distinguish between "I am overwhelmed" and "something has happened", having a way to communicate both can be incredibly useful.
Creating a school environment where children feel safe
Of course, supporting children who are being bullied isn't just about what happens after an incident.
The environment around them matters too.
A school that provides calm spaces, predictable routines and appropriate opportunities for sensory regulation can help children feel more secure and able to participate in school life.
This is an area that is particularly important to us at Learning SPACE. We work with schools to create sensory rooms, sensory pathways and supportive learning environments, as well as providing resources and training for educators working with autistic children and children with ADHD.
Sometimes a relatively simple resource can make a difficult moment easier. Our Ready To Go Calm Kit, for example, includes sensory resources alongside a blank communication fan, giving children a portable set of tools they can use when they need some additional support.
For schools, the wider principle is more important than any individual product: children should have access to environments and strategies that help them communicate, regulate and feel understood.
What about friendship problems?
Not every difficult friendship is bullying.
Children fall out. Friendships change. Someone may be left out of a game one day and included the next. Learning to navigate these experiences is a normal part of growing up.
But that doesn't mean we should dismiss a child's worries.
If a child repeatedly feels excluded, frightened or humiliated, or if there is a pattern of one child deliberately hurting or intimidating another, it is important to look more closely.
For children with additional needs, friendship difficulties can sometimes be particularly hard to navigate. They may not know how to join a group, recognise when a friendship is becoming unhealthy or understand why another child is behaving differently towards them.
Helping children develop emotional and social understanding can therefore be an important part of prevention as well as support.
Our Social & Emotional Learning resources include resources designed to help children explore emotions, social situations and relationships.
What if my child suddenly doesn't want to go to school?
This is one of the most difficult situations for parents.
If your child suddenly starts refusing school, don't assume they are being difficult or simply trying to avoid going.
There may be something underneath the refusal.
It could be anxiety about the new school year, worries about friendships, sensory overload, academic pressure, a difficult relationship with a teacher, or bullying.
Sometimes there may be several things happening at once.
This is particularly important for children with additional needs, because school can already involve a huge amount of processing. A child who has spent the day managing noise, communication, transitions and social expectations may arrive home completely exhausted.
If bullying is also taking place, the emotional load can become even greater.
Try to approach school refusal with curiosity rather than confrontation. Ask what part of the school day feels hardest. Notice when the anxiety begins. Speak to the school and work together to understand what your child is experiencing.
The earlier a concern is explored, the more opportunity there is to put the right support in place.
Helping your child feel confident enough to speak up
We can't prevent every difficult interaction that happens between children.
What we can do is help children know that their feelings matter, that adults will listen and that they have ways to ask for help.
For some children, that might mean practising what to say.
For others, it might mean using a visual resource, drawing what happened, pointing to an emotion or having a trusted adult they can approach without having to explain everything immediately.
It may also mean making sure that the adults around them understand how that particular child communicates.
There is no single approach that works for every child.
The best support starts with the child in front of you.
Learning SPACE: supporting children, families and schools
At Learning SPACE, we know that supporting a child with additional needs is about much more than finding the right product.
We work with families and schools to help children communicate, regulate, learn and take part in everyday life. Alongside our educational and sensory resources, we work with schools on sensory rooms and sensory pathways and provide training for educators around autism and ADHD.
We also know that resources need to be accessible to families who may not otherwise be able to afford them. Through our work with Family Fund, we have supported thousands of families with children who have disabilities, including families on low incomes.
That's why our approach is always about the child first.
A communication fan might help one child find the words they can't say in a stressful moment. A calm space might give another child somewhere to regulate. A visual support might make a confusing part of the school day feel more predictable.
Sometimes these small changes can have a surprisingly big impact.
If you're worried, start with listening
If your child has suddenly changed, seems unhappy at school or has told you something that has made you concerned, trust that instinct.
You don't need to diagnose the problem yourself.
Start by listening. Give your child different ways to communicate. Talk to the school. Look at what is happening around them, not just the behaviour you can see.
And remember that for a child with additional needs, communicating that something is wrong may look different from child to child.
Sometimes the first sign isn't "I'm being bullied."
It might simply be:
"I don't want to go to school."
That is worth listening to.
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Helpful resources from Learning SPACE
If you're looking for resources to support conversations around bullying, friendships, emotions and communication, you can explore our Bullying Collection, which brings together resources designed to help children understand and talk about difficult social situations.
You can also explore our Communication Collection for visual communication fans and other communication aids.
For schools and educators looking at the wider sensory environment, Learning SPACE also provides sensory equipment, sensory room solutions, sensory pathways and training designed to support children with additional needs.
The goal isn't to make every child fit into the same environment.
It's to help create environments where more children can feel safe, understood, included and able to learn.
